Order at Starbucks

I sometimes give off the impression that I am very shy which is partly true, especially when it comes to ordering food or drink. I tend to be a bit timid when asking for things so I practice the order in my head several times to avoid any embarrassment that could result. Once I am ready or the server clearly becomes very impatient (whichever comes first), I repeat exactly what I practiced and then all of the tension naturally dissipates. This ritual happens just about every week when I visit Starbucks and, today, since no one else was in line, I was able to think things through more thoroughly. Here is how the whole thing today played out in my mind:

(voices in my head)

“Hurry up, ho.”

“Okay, okay. Geez, freaking 3 bucks for coffee?”

“Yes, dummy. You knew that already when you were driving here.”

“So I’ll just order a tall to save money.”

“Ya go ahead and order a tall and look cheap… look how small that thing is. EVERYONE will know.”

“Fine. I’ll get a grande. But the lady at the cash register looks like she speaks Spanish and will secretly critique my pronunciation of grrrrande.”

“Get venti then.”

“4 bucks? Hell no! Is venti even a Spanish word?”

“Italian perhaps.”

“Hm. Phew, no one is behind me. That should give me some time. Oo new Jason Mraz CD.”

“Get coffee already. The lady is already standing there.”

“I don’t even like coffee though; it stains my teeth and it gives me diarrhea.”

“…”

“Okay, I’ll get the Pike’s roast. It’s cheap and if I don’t like it I’ll have only spent 2 dollars. So I’ll just say Venti Pike… Oh, what’s that? Pick of the day? I haven’t seen that before. Maybe I’ll get that. I think I will get that. But how would I phrase that? Can I have the morning pick? That sounds lame. I’ll just ask for the pike.”

“Finally!”

(Back to the real voices)

“Are you ready ma’am?”

“Ah, yes. I think so… (sudden panic)… Um I heard Starbucks burns their coffee beans.” (ah… shit)